Photo by: Evan Vucci
Vice President Mike Pence, speaking Thursday at the Pentagon, announced plans to create a U.S, Space Force to ensure American dominance in space amid heightened completion and threats from China and Russia. (Associated Press)

This past week Vice President Mike Pence held a press conference to announce that Space Force is go, people, Space Force is go! Ok, maybe that isn’t an exact quote but when President Donald Trump told us that we “needed” to expand our military and that the logical choice was protecting space many… well many laughed. Trump tends to say a lot of outlandish things so it’s hard to tell when we are supposed to take him seriously or not. Well, strap in because America is about to go to infinity and beyond! This announcement is too amazing not to dive into some of the finer points of Pence’s speech.

I have to warn you ahead of time. This crazy Massachustes weather has me a bit under the weather, so please bear with me as I recount the many highlights. There is no way you can walk away from these quotes without feeling insatiably patriotic.

“In his Inaugural Address to the nation, President Trump proclaimed that the United States stands, in his words, “at the birth of a new millennium, ready to unlock the mysteries of space.”

And since day one of our administration, this President has kept his promise to restore America’s proud legacy of leadership in space, believing that space is essential to our nation’s security, prosperity, and our very way of life.”

*cough* Flint Michigan still doesn’t have clean drinking water *cough*

Sorry about that. Damn weather…

“But as Commander-in-Chief, President Trump’s highest priority is the safety and security of the American people.  And while, too often, previous administrations all but neglected the growing security threats emerging in space, President Trump stated clearly and forcefully that space is, in his words, “a warfighting domain, just like…land, [and] air, and sea.”

And just as we’ve done in ages past, the United States of America, under his leadership, will meet the emerging threats on this new battlefield with American ingenuity and strength to defend our nation, protect our people, and carry the cause of liberty and peace into the next great American frontier.”

*cough* Roughly 44 million people in America have no health insurance coverage and nearly 38 million have inadequate health insurance.

Ugh! *grabs Dayquil*

“President Trump recently signed the largest investment in our national defense since the days of Ronald Reagan.  (Applause.)  And that new Defense budget included new resources for two cutting-edge military communications satellites and nearly $1 billion for our space defense programs.  And today, we renew the President’s call on the Congress of the United States to invest an additional $8 billion in our space security systems over the next five years.”

*COOOOOOUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH* Over 13 million American children currently live in “food insecure” homes, which means they regularly do not have enough to eat.

“So thank you for your service to the country for all of you who have been called to serve in our armed forces.  With your unwavering commitment, with the courage of our men and women in uniform, with the continued support of the American people, with the vision and leadership of our Commander-in-Chief, and with God’s help, I know we will give America the defense she needs here on Earth and in the outer reaches of space.

Thank you.  And God bless you.  And God bless the United States of America.”

*cough cough cough* Recent estimates note that about 40 thousand veterans are currently homeless, not to mention that Trump’s current budget proposal will potentially lower veteran benefits as well. *cough*

That was a long one…

Are you excited yet? I am. Say it with me now, one last time:




By Lovell Porter

Lovell is the owner and Editor-in-Chief of

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