Covering professional wrestling can be hard if your job consists of providing play-by-play for Raw or any of the other WWE content for that matter. Some of the stuff that goes through my head shouldn’t be plastered all over the internet for anyone to see. BUT A wise man once said, “Fuck it, we’ll do it live!” Welcome to “Diary Of A Mad Wrestling Fan” staring me, SAMUEL L. JACKSON! WHAT! I’M NOT YELLING, THAT’S JUST HOW I TALK! Err I mean, Lovell “I’m the CEO of this company so I can write about whatever I want, so don’t @ me” Porter. Follow me on my journey as I fumble through all of your favorite live shows!
8:04 PM EST- You know… Roman Reigns has the be the fittest cancer patient ever. That’s a clear sign his genes are just flat out better than ours. It’s like he was made in a lab during the Rocky Horror Picture show.
8:09 PM EST- Oh god. Reigns wants a shot at Brock Lesnar and Seth Rollins is in his way. I think I’ve seen this movie before and I HATE it.
8:11 PM EST- Shockingly, the Philly crowd doesn’t totally crap on Rollins telling Reigns that Reigns deserves a shot at the title.
8:14 PM EST- Reigns wants to get the band back together. WHY? Dean Ambrose crapped all over him and Rollins while he was gone. OH COME ON! Is Reigns going to use the “I almost died” tactic to get his way from here on out?
8:15 PM EST- After Reigns basically uses the Puss in Boots technique to get Rollins to cave, Ambrose thankfully got hit with a guitar before they shit one the last four months of storylines. God, I hope this all ends with Reigns turning on Rollins and Ambrose.
Reigns be like…
8:21 PM EST- Oh boy. Whoever thought to put Baron Corbin, Bobby Lashley, and Drew McIntyre together should be hit in a face with a pie… with a brick in it. Knock some sense into them.
8:24 PM EST- Why the hell is Kurt Angle still wrestling? Why isn’t Lio Rush wrestling? Why is Corbin still dressed like the asshole manager of a Ground Round? Did Han really shoot first? WHY AM I YELLING?!?!?!?
8:30 PM EST- Seriously, Corbin looks incredibly stupid. I still feel like they should take his shtick to another level. Corbin should take off an article of clothing as the match goes on until he is in nothing but suspenders and a banana hammock. When he wins his matches he can do the old Alex Wright Armpit shuffle… God, I’m a sick man.
8:40 PM EST- This faction has zero legs but that was a good post-match beatdown. With Lashley being in this group is this really the best use of Lio Rush?