banks tamina
Bitch…  Credit: WWE


10:16 PM EST- There were a lot of Women’s segments on tonight’s show. I wonder if the reason the women’s matches were so short is that the Lynch/Stephanie angle is going to close out the show.

10:20 PM EST- Sasha Banks’ gear is really nice. That is literally all I have to say about this Banks/Tamina match. Wait, also, Tamina is very attractive. Don’t care if that’s PC or not. It’s how I feel. She is stunning.

10:25 PM EST- Do I need to google Colin Jost and pro wrestling or something? Who did he piss off? What am I missing here?

10:36 PM EST- There was no way Black and Ricochet weren’t going to win this match… until Chad Gable and Bobby Roode walked to ringside. Now there is no way the actually win this match. That’s probably for the best. Why? Because NONE OF THIS MAKE ANY SENSE!

Black Ricochet flip

10:41 PM EST- Hey that double flip thing that Ricochet and Black did at the same time was both cool and stupid all at the same time.

10:44 PM EST- Stephanie McMahon is the most hateable person in the WWE Universe. All she has to do is walk around holding the Raw Women’s Championship with that smug look on her face and even I want to pop her one. Just so damn hateable.

10:51 PM EST- One of the most overused tropes in televised professional wrestling is the “this person is just arriving three hours into the show and they are angry” thing. Stop insulting our intelligence.

Ronda Rousey
“Did someone say… Pizza Rolls?”

10:51 PM EST- Why the fuck does the woman who actually won the Royal Rumble have to win her way back into the WrestleMania title match?

11:00 PM EST- Well that took longer than I thought it would. Heel Rousey makes so much more sense. If the people want to cheer Lynch, fine. Rousey could kill either of those two without breaking a sweat. I’m happy we can stop pretending that Rousey is a smiling, happy-go-lucky do-gooder. If Lesnar is the Beast, Rousey should be the… the… err the Beast too? Sorry, that sounded WAY better in my head but you get the point. Also, this clears the decks for Rousey and Shayna Baszler to win the WWE Women’s Tag Titles.

Lynch has been trolling Rousey for weeks on social media. Rousey just did something we all have probably wanted to do at one time or another: Beat the shit out of an Internet troll. Maybe Rousey will start taking request. Gilbert Arenas better start hiding now…

Often after watching Raw, I am left with a sense of relief because I can finally get high…  but tonight, I was pleasantly surprised by at the very least the A and B stories on the show (Sheild Reunion/Raw Women’s title saga) everything else was uninspired and exceedingly nonsensical but still we watch! Admit it: you will be back here next Monday night just like I will be. God… why are we all so broken that we just can’t quit? Now THAT’s is the punchline.

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