Covering professional wrestling can be hard if your job consists of providing play-by-play for Raw or any of the other WWE content for that matter. Some of the stuff that goes through my head shouldn’t be plastered all over the internet for anyone to see. BUT A wise man once said, “Fuck it, we’ll do it live!” Welcome to “Diary Of A Mad Wrestling Fan” staring me, SAMUEL L. JACKSON! WHAT! I’M NOT YELLING, THAT’S JUST HOW I TALK! Err I mean, Lovell “I’m the CEO of this company so I can write about whatever I want, so don’t @ me” Porter. Follow me on my journey as I fumble through all of your favorite live shows!
8:00 PM- Brock Lesnar looks like an inflated prepubescent man-child…
8:03 PM- Seriously, this may be the most accurate meme ever.
8:05 PM- Does anyone enjoy listening to Drew McIntyre drone on and on? I am not one of the many, many, MANY, fans who can’t stand him. That said, that dude doesn’t need a microphone. Just let him destroy people. WWE’s obsession with forcing everyone to do Shakespeare in the park every Monday night is assinine and counterproductive.
8:13 PM- … and another thing, why not just take a page out of the Heyman booking playbook? You think if McIntyre was in ECW he would be giving a dissertation in the ring? Fuck no. Heyman would have McIntyre choke slamming everyone or some such shit. Granted, 911 would have been out of a job but hey, thems the breaks, kid.
8:17 PM- Oh great, now Irish Fabio is going to ramble on the mic… yay. I love Finn Bálor but COME ON! Let’s get to the action! And if we aren’t going to get action at least give us something like this:
8:20 PM- Lio Rush looks like he forgot to take the pack of chicken out of the freezer and he just heard his mother’s keys in the door.
8:25 PM- Watching Strowman toss Rush around like a small child is both hilarious and terrifying. I wonder if Lashley leaving Rush to get destroy means they are done. That would be a shame. Lashley and Rush compliment each other.
8:36 PM- What the hell are they doing with Bliss. Why the hell isn’t she wrestling? Is she still hurt? Did I have a fever dream and imagine that she wrestled in the Royal Rumble? Am I having another stroke?
8:44 PM- What does it say about me that I want No Way Jose to win this match? I think I want to see No Way Jose win ANY match at this point. Don’t ask me why… I just want to see that dude win at something.
8:47 PM- No Way Jose looks like the alternate- alternate costume for Eddy Gordo from Tekken.
8:49 PM- Wait.. is Eminem and Elias going to get into it at WrestleMania? LOL LOL LOL
8:50 PM- Having the conga line cheering on Jose outside the ring is a nice touch. It won’t lead to anything every, but I think its cool. Don’t @ me.
8:58 PM- Kurt Angle announcing that he wants to face Baron Corbin is like like finally hooking up with the hot chick from high school and right before you are gonna bump uglies she tells you she has herpes…
9:03 PM- Listening to the announcers try to get us to care about this Corbin/Angle match while Angle and Gable are putting on a damn fine WRESTLING match is a microcosm of everything that is wrong with the WWE.
9:14 PM- Fun fact: I actually know a Baron Corbin fan. True story.