Covering professional wrestling can be hard if your job consists of providing play-by-play for Raw or any of the other WWE content for that matter. Some of the stuff that goes through my head shouldn’t be plastered all over the internet for anyone to see. BUT A wise man once said, “Fuck it, we’ll do it live!” Welcome to “Diary Of A Mad Wrestling Fan” staring me, SAMUEL L. JACKSON! WHAT! I’M NOT YELLING, THAT’S JUST HOW I TALK! Err I mean, Lovell “I’m the CEO of this company so I can write about whatever I want, so don’t @ me” Porter. Follow me on my journey as I fumble through all of your favorite live shows!
8:03 PM- Stephanie McMahon says it’s going to winner take all at WrestleMania… Yeah, Ronda Rousey is totally going to win.
8:15 PM- If Seth Rollins is smarty all of his offense on Sunday should be low blows. Fuck it. #NutCrakerSuite.
8:23 PM- I am nowhere near as annoyed by this women’s tag match than I thought I would be. I didn’t realize I liked Beth Phoenix this much but I do…
8:32 PM- Holy hell Phoenix can still go. She just killed Tamina AND the barricade all at once.
8:33 PM- Batista is wearing the FUCK out of that suit jacket. Batista is toight…
8:41 PM- Am I nuts or does this version of Batista seem a bit… familiar?
8:42 PM- Well SHIT Dave… how do you really feel?
8:54 PM- Am I nuts or did they do the same thing last year with Apollo Crews before the André the Giant Battle Royal? They are seriously getting into shit or get off the pot territory with Crews.
9:00 PM- Come on man… Kurt Angle man… cut it out… I’m not crying… I’m not crying.
9:12 PM- Charlotte Flair is an amazing athlete and fucking amazingly beautiful… is that ok to say? I get confused. Wait… did I just gets canceled? Wait! I didn’t mean it! Reeeemmmmeeeeeemmbeerrr meeeeeeeee!
9:23 PM- I was about to complain about having to watch Aleister Black and Ricochet fight the Revival again but I get to watch Aleister Black fight the Revival again… wait… I have the strangest feeling of déjà vu…
I think they changed something in the Matrix…
9:46 PM- I want to know who the Riott Squad pissed off to keep getting fed to Rousey.
9:57 PM- Rousey hasn’t shut up out on the apron since the match started. This is great. Heel Rousey is the BEST Rousey. With her new saxophone gimmick, we need her to come to the ring Great Power Uti style at WrestleMania.
10:04 PM- This is great. I don’t think we have ever had EVERYONE in the main event arrested before.
10:11 PM- Wait… when did they bring Flavor of Love back?
10:13 PM- Lacey Evans walks out on the ramp and does… stuff.
10:16 PM- I am starting to think Vince McMahon sends Lacey Evans out to the ring when he gets bored with whatever is happening in the ring…
Vince: Ah.. who are these goofs!
Stooge # 3: They are all from NXT, Vince.
Vince: NX…? LACEY!!!!!
10:24 PM- Hey… wanna see a dead body?
— WWE (@WWE) April 2, 2019
10:43 PM- I hope the whole “announcing Corbin’s accolades before he comes to the ring” thing is a red herring. It totally feels like Corbin is going to beat Angle Sunday.
10:47 PM- People are complaining that Angle’s last match is going to be against Corbin. Where is the outrage that Mysterio’s first match on Raw is against Corbin????!!?!? Keep the same energy, people!
I don’t want to be that guy but this was just another in a long line of awful go home shows for WrestleMania. Not having that outrageous woman’s segment close the show they ended with Rey Mysterio and Corbin. It’s nonsensical. They would have been better off closing the show with Rollins and Lesnar playing tug of war with the Universal Championship… There goes that déjà vu again…