Covering professional wrestling can be hard if your job consists of providing play-by-play for Raw or any of the other WWE content for that matter. Some of the stuff that goes through my head shouldn’t be plastered all over the internet for anyone to see. BUT A wise man once said, “Fuck it, we’ll do it live!” Welcome to “Diary Of A Mad Wrestling Fan” staring me, SAMUEL L. JACKSON! WHAT! I’M NOT YELLING, THAT’S JUST HOW I TALK! Err I mean, Lovell “I’m the CEO of this company so I can write about whatever I want, so don’t @ me” Porter. Follow me on my journey as I fumble through all of your favorite live shows!
8:00 PM- New open to Raw? Nice…
8:05 PM- Samoa Joe is right. He wasn’t at the scene… but I know who was…
8:06 PM- Wait… does this mean we are finally going to get the Samoa Joe/Becky Lynch feud we have all been begging for? No? No? THEN WHAT IS THE POINT OF ANY OF THIS??!!?!?
8:08 PM– I love Natty but she looks like she is auditioning for an Off-Broadway performance of Cats.
8:09 PM- You should all be proud of me. I managed to NOT make a joke about pussy a minute ago. That’s growth, people!
8:11 PM- Serious question: did anyone want to see Trish Stratus vs. Charlotte? Was that ever a thing? The more I think about it, it really seems like this spot was meant for someone else…
8:16 PM- There is no way this match can suck, right?
8:21 PM- Thank god! This match didn’t suck. It’s interesting that Trish didn’t get in the match. What’s that about?
8:27 PM- Last week Andrade was like…
8:30 PM- There is no way THIS match sucks, right?
8:31 PM- That sliding sunset flip bomb into the barricade was NASTY. Andrade is out there trying to kill himself to get this match over.
8:37 PM- Andrade’s Charlie Brown Cosplay is WILD!
8:42 PM- That match most definitely did NOT suck! WOW!
8:42 PM- If anything, Vega is proof that WWE needs to bring back managers. There are a ton of folks that would benefit from having a mouthpiece.
8:43 PM- WWE should go all-in with this cuck storyline. Maria’s OBGYN should be Lexington Steele or Mandingo or some such shit. Maria could start coming to the ring with them. Screw it… you know, with a BBC.
8:52 PM- As entertaining as watching Mike pin Maria while her legs were in stirrups was, I can’t help but feel like they shot their load a bit too quick here. They could have milked this for a few more weeks.
8:57 PM- Even if this is the build to SummerSlam I don’t think we have seen Brock Lesnar on this many Raws in the row since his first run with the company.
8:59 PM- I don’t care what anyone says, Heyman and Lesnar together will never get old.
8:59 PM- Heyman is about to drop another hot 16 on the WWE Universe