Forks are the most disrespectful of all dishes. Think about it. They don’t put themselves in the sink. They certainly don’t clean themselves after you’re done using them. Forks are nothing but dis-re-spect-ful!
Earlier today, I walked in the kitchen and I looked over in the sink. And what do I see? Dirty dishes just sitting there. Like really just sitting there like a bunch of lazy McLazies. After months of being on social distancing lockdown, I finally had to say something. “Hey man; all you do is just sit around dirty and act like it’s someone else’s job to clean and pick up after you. Where’s Your home training? WHO RAISED YOU?”
What was the response? Absolutely nothing, which lets me know those dishes know damn well they’re wrong! Now mind you, if I got to wash dishes I’m gonna wash the dishes. You know how it is. You grab your scrubber, you get your soap, get your water, and get to business. When it comes to plates, bowls, spoons, and knives it’s usually easy peasy. Grab your sponge with the scrubber side, add some soap, turn the water on and you scrub-scrub-scrub-scrub, wipe, rinse and put them in the rack to dry. Right? Good as new. But then you have that one dish, and there’s always got to be that one, that just doesn’t know how to get with the program. I’m talking about Forks.
Think about it. No matter how much you scrub no matter how much you wash you got those little grooves, man. I’m talking about those grooves which have muck and stuff stuck on it. And sometimes you can miss it. There is nothing worse than when you wash an entire sink of dishes, put everything away, and then you go about your business until the next time you need to eat. And then when you get over to the dish tray and you grab that fork, and your food is heated up, and you want to put it in the food but then it happens. You look at the fork and BAM! Something is stuck to the inside of one of those grooves. DISRESPECTFUL!
I’m gonna tell you right now, I’m a Big Man; Okay? I know I’m a Big Man because my Mama told me I’m a Big Man. So as a Big Man, I’ve decided to put an end to this issue with these disrespectful forks. I went out and searched long and wide to find the best deal for an alternative to regular forks; plastic forks! I’m not talking just any plastic forks. I’m talking about the type of plastic forks that no matter how much pressure you put on them they’re not going to snap. I’m talking about the plastic forks that no matter how hot the food is it’s not gonna melt. I’m talking about the Jamaican Restaurant Quality Bendable Plastic Forks.
When you go to the Jamaican food joint and they give you your plate of rice, your oxtail, your cabbage, and carrots on the side there is something essential provided with it. Those bendable plastic forks that hold up throughout the whole meal. You know what I’m talking about! A whole stick to your bones heavy Big Man and Big Woman meal stands no chance when you have one of those Jamaican Restaurant Quality Bendable Plastic Forks. Best part? You don’t have to wash them when you’re done. NO! No disrespectful muck leftover in the grooves to worry about. You just throw them out! I am so fed up with the disrespectful washable folks that I went out and purchased some of those Jamaican Restaurant bendable plastic forks. But I’m not just going to buy a couple of forks. No, no, Sisters and Brothers.
Because I am a Big Man like My mama told me I am, I went out and I bought a box of those Jamaican Restaurant Quality Bendable Plastic Forks. But I didn’t just purchase a regular box. No. None of that pack of 24 or pack of 50 or pack of 200. No Sisters and Brothers I didn’t just purchase a regular box. This Big Man purchased a box of 1000 Forks. That’s right 1,000 Jamaican Restaurant Quality Bendable Plastic Forks because I am sick of the disrespectful regular washable forks! My Mama told me to be a real Big Strong man you must be a problem solver, so that’s exactly what I did. The next time a fork wants to get disrespectful with YOU, just be a Big Man, or Big Woman, and replace them with a Jamaican Restaurant Quality Bendable Plastic Fork!
When he’s not getting into heated debates with forks, you can hear E. Duke Bennett on either of his two podcasts; Tell Us The Truth Podcast or Duke Loves Rasslin. Both are available on the iHeart Radio App and iTunes.